Have you ever experienced being so rigid and tense to the point where you didn’t even realize that your OWN jaw was clenching? If you’re anything like me and answered yes, here are five tips I’m learning right now on how to manage stress and anxiety.
I’ve never really been a relaxed person. You know the kind of person who floats through life NOT consistently overthinking every single thing that they do?
Yeah, totally NOT me.
While most of these traits may have a lot to do with upbringing, I’ve observed that some people are relatively more tense than others. For me, being tense is usually my default mode. I like checkboxes, studying, and getting things done.
In Satya Doyle Byock’s book ‘Quarter-life: The Search for Self in Early Adulthood‘, I found myself identifying more with the Stability Type than the Meaning Type (if you’re interested in how these types differ, you can find out more in her book).
However, it came with its downside in the form of unwanted tension. The tension coursed through my body, like a constant buzz of alarm. I wanted to know how to get rid of tension because it was starting to affect my everyday life.
To clarify, this is a completely separate matter if you have pre-existing conditions or mental health issues. If that’s the case, it would be more helpful to tackle it with a professional guide.
This is just my personal starting point as someone who experiences mild discomfort in the everyday life and wants to feel comfortable with just existing, for once.
1. Proper Breathing
Sometimes we’re so caught up with our thoughts that we often forget about the body. What is the body doing? Is it breathing properly? Is it sitting or standing?
For me, it was sitting upright and looking like it’s ready to run away at any time. It is NOT in a comfortable position often.
I don’t usually think about the right way to breathe. I had to learn it the hard way, but I was underestimating the importance of proper breath-work.
It’s one of the most important needs of our body, yet how often do we pay attention to it? Breathing consciously helps us realize WHERE we are, right here and right now.
After breathing properly at times, I started sitting better. My shoulders dropped. My jaw wasn’t clenched. Things seemed at a standstill.
2. Cutting Caffeine
I’ve read a few articles and watched a few videos here and there about the effects of coffee. There are separate sources explaining how it blocks adenosine receptors and how alarming it is, but I couldn’t deny that I liked the energy it was giving me.
However, I still decided to make some changes. It’s not just because I had a hard time sleeping. I also became TOO dependent on it, even experiencing severe headaches after trying to lessen my intake.
I realized that it worked the same way as all addictions do: creeping up on you without even realizing it, thinking you’re somehow in control even when you’re really not.
While it was mildly unrealistic for me to completely cut off all forms of caffeine from my life, I did get the motivation to at least lessen it.
The overthinking and tension didn’t completely stop, but at least it wasn’t being amped up anymore.
3. Identifying Threats
Not all fears are rational. Sometimes when my body becomes tense, it’s subconsciously preparing for a threat I’m not even aware of.
It may be true in some instances where I might really be in danger. But honestly? Sometimes I’m not.
This is the part where I realized that it’s important for me to ask myself questions like “Is there really a threat? If so, where is it? Is it right here? Is it undoubtedly certain?”
If there really is a threat, then it makes sense for the body to react that way. However, in my personal experience, I was reacting that way even when there was NO threat.
Asking myself these questions helps me hold onto something that’s more sensible, like the truth. It gave me a sense of belief in myself, knowing that I was on my way to being rational and real.
4. Spotlight Effect
We might have overestimated how much people are ACTUALLY looking.
The spotlight effect refers to our tendency to overestimate how much attention others are paying to us. We often feel like we’re under a spotlight, with every move scrutinized by those around us.
However, the truth is that people are usually too preoccupied with their own lives to notice our every action or flaw.
Understanding the spotlight effect can help alleviate feelings of self-consciousness and reduce the pressure we put on ourselves in social situations.
By recognizing that we are not always the center of attention, we can feel more at ease and comfortable within ourselves.
5. Tackling Shame
I also discovered one of the reasons why I’m constantly tense, anxious, and on guard. It’s because I was fundamentally ashamed of who I was.
There were parts of myself that I hated. I also hated being vulnerable.
However, having parts of yourself that you don’t like is a completely normal thing. That’s why shadow work exists. It enables you to work on yourself and take care of yourself more.
What bothered me all along was constantly thinking that I can’t show flaws or imperfections because everyone was out to get me (in my mind, at least).
In some cases, that might be true. Or not. However, I realized that I wasn’t going to let that stop me from living the life that I want – and maybe you shouldn’t either.
Conclusion
Overall, these tips might not be applicable for everyone, but they certainly helped me with my personal journey towards managing stress and anxiety.
While the tension still hasn’t completely gone away, what I value the most right now is at least having some progress.
Hopefully in time, we can make it better for ourselves and for the people around us as well.
Want more insights on self-care, productivity and random things? Visit my blog list to learn more!
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